Reflections on this mornings Conversation Cafe

The theme is it turned out, through listening to your bodies,

as you sat opposite me,

as you stayed on the other side of the cafe

…as we sat at nearby tables …just present…

was compassion for ourselves as we are aging.

Tears flowed somewhat freely as these words landed on the page before me

There was a deep compassion of being with the reality of herself as she aged. The commonness of it, the unremarkableness, the less than glamorous-ness, the truth.

The back of her hand said it all.

A humbling, a grief, a recognition of life lived,

vitality spent, the gnarly, sun-damaged grit of life’s hardness toughness and tenderness.

“Love expenditure” she smiled sadly.

Grunt-cost.

Grind-wear.

Cracked open to the woman she was

and the woman she always would be.

I noticed I found it easier to make eye contact with the men in the room given past experiences competing with other women. A regretful truth.

And so I shift the angle of my view a little toward companioning our bodies in the midst of transition. A gift to ourselves til the very last breath.

Many of you have told me that the bowel is not working well, the vagina walls less springy, you’ve identified your sense of self with your career

and over-identified with

mothering and partnering

and now you’re not not sure who you are or even where the first step might be

Carl Jung, taught that to no one self is to be in touch with ones inner being through dreams longing and creativity.

The majority of my patient clients tell me I’ve not held a paintbrush, written up poem or listened to their dreams since childhood.

How can one possibly know thyself when thyself has been buried for so long?

In fact there are many ways including this wonderful self guided journey put out by the archive research (ARAS) or Sharon Blackie’s “If Women Rose Rooted” for finding place in your own backyard.

If you are lucky enough to live in this neighbourhood, you’rr surrounded by horses and cows and dogs all of whom keep us in touch with our inner being.

Last year I returned to a practice. I’ve not done since my 20s. That’s 27 years ago.

The most confronting and powerful of somatic practices the only truly communal somatic practice I know, and that is contact improvisation.

It has bedded my nervous system in a state of belonging i simply hadn’t remembered.

(Read more here)

It has opened me a trusting the sensory flow that comes through Me as I extend and receive from others

To many it is too raw, too real, too intimate to be received and I am grateful for the foundation of security with which I was raised to be able to trust such depth of feeling

Around the same time, I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic which opened me to the concept of my dharma (a Buddhistic term meaning the life’s purpose you have inherited) in the form of ideas which flow through us, like these very ideas we ‘re now sharing.

I now experience what flows through me is not actually me but as Martha Graham taught “a quickening”.  Not mine to judge. Not mine to assess. Just mine to let pass on into being.

So for now, a subtle readjust, to take the focus off of what’s wrong with us, to how we can better companion ourselves, that is be present, be kind, be real with ourselves as we move through this getting of wisdom.

Next Conversation Cafe “Companioning OuTuesday 9:30am 22nd July, Moggill Cafe

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